MacReady and Windows: Holy Love

youve-got-to-be-fucking-kidding-me-5-things-you-might-not-know-about-john-carpenter-the-thing

MacReady and Windows were flying in an helicopter to L.A. MacReady survived the encounter with the Thing at the end of the movie, he waited until Childs froze to death to use magic to restore Windows back to life. Now they were together and got out of Antarctica.

“Oh my love, I can’t wait to try all the new beard styles!” said Windows happily, holding hands with MacReady.

They kissed, and walked out of the helicopter into the street. There were tons of alien people disguised as humans, but MacReady had his glasses on and shot them. They walked to a fabulous hair dresser shop, full of glitter and rainbows and probably purple? There, Kesha was skinning her victims.

“Hello friends, what’s it gonna be for today?” she asked happily, washing away the blood and grabbing the hair style tool kit.

“Nothing much for me, just braid my beard” said MacReady cheerfully.

“I want tons of glitter and my beard to look like an inverted ice cream cone” said Windows manly.

Kesha showed them the seats and took out a hair-smoother and a bag full of powdered unicorn horns, when suddenly something broke the window. It was the police!

“MacReady and Windows, you are under arrest for being gay!” said Pence evilly.

“No” and MacReady shot him in the groin.

As Pence rolled away crying, Kesha finished the beard styling. They became exactly as they wanted.

“That will be on the house” she said, and returned to butchering people.

Anyways MacReady and Windows got out of the shop. It was sunset, and very beautiful, so they walked to the bay. The bears from We Bare Bears were staring at them, but MacReady shot them. Windows flipped the bird at their corpses. Then they walked and rented a boat.

“Oh MacReady, this is so romantic” Windows said happily, kissing MacReady’s hand.

“Lets get married” MacReady said huskily.

They steered the boat against the shore, crushing thousands of bystanders to death. There, Kate Lloyd was preparing an altar (she survived by teleporting away).

“MacReady, will you take this man as your husband?” she said.

“I do!”

“And Windows, will YOU take this man as your husband?”

“Yes!”

“Now I pronounce you married.”

And MacReady and Windows walked back to the helicopter, flying away into the sunsent.

Gliders not as limited as once thought?

So lately there have been a few discussions on gliders not being as limited as previously thought. Sapeornithids are probably the most extreme examples, being now considered to be specialized soarers relying primarily on thermals, but there’s also anecdotes of flying squirrels and gliders also relying on thermals and occurring in non-forest habitats like cliffs. Lastly, Argentavis might very well have relied primarily if not exclusively on the wind to move, lacking suitable musculature for take-off.

So maybe the possibility of large terrestrial gliders may not be that far fetched. For instance, I had an idea of camel-like mammals that occur in deserts and other open regions. They’re incapable of powered flight, but can quadrupedally launch and catching passing winds and thermals.

Katurran Script

As you guys know, I made a script of Terryl Whitlatch’s The Katurran Odyssey.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1yO4-BQDrWhHXzSWiV1YA7uRUcXrlmrxoDYze_uiCGic/edit
https://www.patreon.com/posts/13403769

I’ve always been nervous about the copyright implications (it is a very faithful script, though it has some things like carnivorous Thalassodromeus and some character expansion), but patreon has been cool about it and Terryl Whitlatch hasn’t reacted when I showed it, so I guess its alright.

Now with the EU copyright renewal act, I’m not so sure. It kind of means a lot to me, but my personal projects have taken over most of the storage drives, and I have to fear for those too.

I guess I’m trying to ask you to read it one last time, in case something happens.

Second Speculative Evolution Contest Entry

Tau (Tau infernum)

The Tau is one of South America’s most unusual mammals. It is the last representative of a lineage of dryolestoids related to Necrolestes, that have abandoned their fossorial habits for life in the water. Transition from underground to water was easily: the forelimbs, well adapted for digging, made the perfect paddles, while the snout, already long and upturned to raise earth, made the perfect snorkel. The eyes remained vestigial, of little use under the earth and water alike, instead relying on the whiskers and jaw electroreceptors to detect prey.

Having evolved in the southern tip of South America, these animals did not contend with the presence of crocodillians, and quickly grew in size, occupying a large sized longirostrine niche. With the glaciations, their diversity waned, but a single species remains in waterways from the Pantanal to the Salado; at 3,5 meters long, it is the apex predator in these waters.

The Tau is an almost exclusively aquatic animal. With its long jaws, only the very tip of the snout surfaces, allowing most of its bulk to remain hidden underwater. Adults spend most of their lives in darkness, swimming slowly across the river bottom and ambushing prey with their long, gharial-like jaws. Adults only leave the water to molt and to breed; on occasion, one may drag itself across river beds, but usually they follow river flows and floods, not needing to cross the land to find new terfs.

The Tau feeds on a variety of fish, amphibians, crustaceans, waterfowl and terrestrial animals it ambushes with ease. It sit stills, rapidly catching and dragging its prey into the depths. On occasion it may also feed on carrion.

The breeding season takes place during summer months. Mating takes place in the water, and and the female also gives birth in it: like most non-therian mammals, the young are poorly developed, not born with lungs and able to extract oxygen through the skin while it remains attached to the teat. But after 5 days the joey grows too large to depend on skin-based respiration, so the mother drags herself ashore unto a secluded location, and remains there for about 50 days, through which the young develops until it can swim.

Even then, it remains on shore for another month, until its pelage develops the necessary oils to keep it insulated. Afterwards, it will part from its mother, and reach sexual maturity six years after.

Speculative Evolution Contest Entry

Nyctoraptor noduonti

Paurodontids were a lineage of dryolestoids from the Jurassic and Early Cretaceous period. Like the distantly related marsupial moles and Necrolestes, these animals specialized towards digging, having a dentition suited for the consumption of earthworms. Most probably lived like modern moles, digging through the substrate in the northern continents.

One species, however, defied that notion. A strange skeleton was discovered in 1897 in Lydney Park, in ruins associated with the temple of Nodens. Dating to the mid-Early Cretaceous, paleontologists speculate that this fossil probably originated in Surrey, but was carried out for unknown reasons. The specimen consistent of a complete skull, spinal chord, forelimbs and semi-complete thoraxic cage and hindlimbs, the individual bones dis-articulated and arranged in a manner surprisingly true to life. It is possible that this fossil was found and commissioned to be part of some collection, as a few fossil remains have similarly been found in Roman ruins, but none to the degree of meticulate care as this one displayed.

Let alone in a temple.

The fossil represented a 2.6 meter long animal weighting perhaps 300 kilos. It was a robust creature, rather similar in built to its smaller relatives. Unlike them, however, it possessed a proportionally larger skull with carnassial-like molars, six canine-like incisors and a deep cranial crest, indicating powerful jaw muscles. The jaws are deep, and the upper jaw particularly deep and baring a keratinous pad akin to that of a Pachirhinosaurus or rhinoceros.

This specimen, the sole found so far, represented an adult animal, probably around 45 years of age based on the rings in its broken femur. Signs of arthritis can be seen on its joints, which imply at its hunting strategy: burrowing under the ground, it stalked prey from beneath, before emerging suddenly, first headbutting them with its armored nose, then holding on to them with its powerful claws as it ate them alive. At its size, small to mid-sized dinosaurs were probably among its prey.

Puncture marks on dinosaur fossils of this epoch seem to indicate this hypothesis. Some bear ramming wounds like ram or rhinoceros victims, a few having bite marks that match the teeth.

Trollfics

There’s going to be a trollfic marathon this month starting tomorrow. Stay tuned!

Ichthyoconodon

Been tuning up this blog – it’s old, after all – so I deleted them, but you can still find them at:

https://www.fanfiction.net/u/1935568/Eogrus

https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carliro/

I might re-upload them here later this summer. And I will definitely post them back on Tumblr, lol.

I will do some dramatic readings on request.

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